See also The Wit and Wisdom of Lisa
These two pages were the start of what has become dingo's Hamsterwatch
- Take a full-size screenshot of FOH and set it as your wallpaper.. you'll hardly notice anything's changed
- Go to lots and lots of family dinners - the bigger the family, the better. Borrow other people's families if you live alone
- Become a regular in any chatroom on the internet (AOL member rooms are especially "homey")
- Tape and watch (over and over) Survivor, Real World, Road Rules, The Osbournes, Anna Nicole, and every new reality show they wanna throw at us. It's ok to peek at Fear Factor and Dog Eat Dog every now and then for a break, but don't make a habit of it - all competitions and no interplay is a dead-end. Amazing Race is also ok in small doses cuz it's educational
- Give your WORD for everything to everyone (telemarketers, spouses, bill collectors, bosses, in-laws, parole officers)
- Go about your life as if you're in the house. Plot, lie, scheme, backstab, borrow vocabulary from others, and above all be mostly boring most of the time. Spend all day from Friday to Wednesday thinking about who you're going to vote out of your life (and change your mind frequently)
- Proclaim yourself Head of Household and make your family members, roommates and pets squirm. Be sure to wear the bathrobe and headphones a lot
- When in doubt, quote Lisa
- When in trouble, stutter
- Check out the 17 billion live webcams currently on the web in your spare time. When you find one you like start a website about it so you can rip it apart in front of others. (Warning: many people get sidetracked into porn obsessions this way but that's ok - perverts need hobbies too)
- Sprinkle your conversations with words like diabolical, scandalous, amazing, unbelievable, backstabber, packofjackals/nestofvipers, and call people the devil a lot (don't forget the finger-horns)
- Educate others about new vocabulary too - "he roddied her into agreeing with him," "that fothing idiot," "look at the tonyas on her," "don't go marcellas on me," "your daughter's acting a little kiki lately," etc. Encourage the addition of these new words to Webster's
- Don't forget to frolic!
- Start a Julie Chen fan club
- Write a Julie Chen cookbook (this is good for those days you just don't have much time)
- Write a peanut butter & jelly cookbook (but never refer to it as anything but pbj)
- Before you have drinks with anyone, find out what kind of drunk they are. If they're a Dani-drunk be sure to allow enough time. If they're an Amy-drunk be sure to allow enough time and remove nearby hammocks. If they're a Lisa-drunk be sure to bring somebody else along for company. Keep in mind Jason-drunks are best: your drinks will be paid for and you have a ride home!
- Give up the sexy clothes, overpriced cars and trendy clubs. When you really want to get laid just say "hi"
- Pick a random person in your life and spend 3 months badmouthing them to everyone who knows them. Then be their best friend
- Chant every night before you go to sleep: "BB4 is just 9 months away.. 9 months away.. 9 months away.." It'll be here before you know it. If you need something to mark the time, get pregnant or impregnate someone
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